okay, it's a brand new school year. thousands of incoming freshmen are all moved in and are adjusting to living a brand new lifestyle, including: waking their own asses up for class, going to bed whenever they want, consuming copious amounts of alcohol, and, of course, the seemingly-endless opportunities to hook up/have sex. i remember when i was a freshman just two years ago. i considered myself a very responsible, young adult. i woke my ass up, went to class about 90% of the time, i drank in moderation, i made dean's list spring semester and ended up with a 3.89 GPA overall (and am thankfully maintaining a 3.78... goddamn you accounting for lowering that for me). as for the hookups, yeah of course i have had my chances. guys approached me, they said things to me, did i ever have drunken hookups? nah. drunk making out? yeah duh, who hasn't?
i look at underclassmen nowadays, and when i see them downtown or at parties, dressed scantily with skirts barely covering their asses, shirts exposing all but their nipples, and so much makeup caked on that you would think it is halloween, i can't help but think to myself: wow. low self esteem? do you have any respect for yourself? just... WOW. but then i got to thinking about it again... and then i started thinking, hey, we NEED sluts around here. in fact, i'll go as far to say that i'm thankful for the sluts we have around ECU (or "easy-u").
so, why am i glad that we have sluts around campus? a couple of reasons, really. listen to my logic, and you will understand:
1.) they put out. think about it, sluts do the dirty so those of us who choose to be extremely picky/selective don't have to do it ourselves! they get crazy, have all of the unprotected sex, worry about contracting nasty infectious diseases and spend all the money on plan B so we don't have to! personally, i love not having to worry about whether or not i have a disease or when the date of my last period was. i mean damn, i never get my period anyways, so therefore i'm glad i don't have to worry about pregnancy.
2.) the respect issue. ponder this: a girl is deemed a "slut". this results in constant chatter about her behind her back when she is out in public. do you really want to be talked about? do you really want people speculating how many sexual partners you have had? do you want people talking about how good or bad you were in bed? personally, gossip about someone's private life does not sound appealing to me. i wouldn't want someone talking about me in that way. i see no problem in letting sluts do their thing and get talked about, because in the end, it makes the rest of us look classy, respectful, and appealing.
so sluts, go ahead and keep doing your thing. have fun, be safe, have a spare plan B by your bedside table, and always get tested. peace bitches <3
Friday, August 27, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
it's hump day, bitches
alright bitches. it's wednesday, which means only two more days of classes until we can all go out and get wasted together, wake up the next morning, and not remember what the hell happened. awesome. i can't wait for the shenanigans to begin...
so while i was in the gym running on the treadmill, and while lovin' the drake i was listening to on my ipod, i got lost in thought. i started thinking to myself, you know what? people are beautiful. and it's not the "beautiful" things about them that make them beautiful, it's their IMPERFECTIONS that make them beautiful. i mean, i love seeing if someone has a unique freckle on their arm, or a birthmark that resembles a star or one of the 50 states, etc. etc. with this being said, it breaks my heart to see people around you that you care about so much who want to change themselves.
so while all you crazy kids are in class, out with your friends, and are out downtown drinking your hearts out, remember that you're absolutely smokin' hot and ought NOT change anything about yourself. imperfections may be just that, imperfections, however, they're also beautiful characteristics about you that make you unique and recognizable among your peers.
...wow, that's too much deep thinking for one day. time for a screwdriver. peace bitches <3
so while i was in the gym running on the treadmill, and while lovin' the drake i was listening to on my ipod, i got lost in thought. i started thinking to myself, you know what? people are beautiful. and it's not the "beautiful" things about them that make them beautiful, it's their IMPERFECTIONS that make them beautiful. i mean, i love seeing if someone has a unique freckle on their arm, or a birthmark that resembles a star or one of the 50 states, etc. etc. with this being said, it breaks my heart to see people around you that you care about so much who want to change themselves.
so while all you crazy kids are in class, out with your friends, and are out downtown drinking your hearts out, remember that you're absolutely smokin' hot and ought NOT change anything about yourself. imperfections may be just that, imperfections, however, they're also beautiful characteristics about you that make you unique and recognizable among your peers.
...wow, that's too much deep thinking for one day. time for a screwdriver. peace bitches <3
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
first day of classes
damn man, it's the first day of classes and i'm starting this school year off right. i'm already ahead on the credit hours i need for graduating (12 hours ahead, to be exact. hell yes), so i thought: you know what? i'm going to give myself an easier, more slack semester. i'm only taking 13 hours, all of which are classes i need for my major, sure, but they aren't the kinds of classes that will make me want to kill myself. so glad i got those out of the way last year (yes, i did want to kill myself a few times. thank god for friends and vodka).
it's 8:30AM, my first class is at 9:30AM. i've already been to the gym and ran 10 miles, showered, used a brand new razor... and for those who think that's weird to blog about, i gotta tell ya: there is NOTHING better than using a brand new razor. it's like you feel so fucking amazing you can't describe it. it's like taking a really good bong rip or a reallllllly good long sip of a margarita that has plenty of salt on the rim of the glass. it just feels good. and to top this fabulous morning off, i'm drinking a screwdriver. okay, well, make that three screwdrivers stuffed in one really big juice glass. this is going to be a good day. peace bitches.
it's 8:30AM, my first class is at 9:30AM. i've already been to the gym and ran 10 miles, showered, used a brand new razor... and for those who think that's weird to blog about, i gotta tell ya: there is NOTHING better than using a brand new razor. it's like you feel so fucking amazing you can't describe it. it's like taking a really good bong rip or a reallllllly good long sip of a margarita that has plenty of salt on the rim of the glass. it just feels good. and to top this fabulous morning off, i'm drinking a screwdriver. okay, well, make that three screwdrivers stuffed in one really big juice glass. this is going to be a good day. peace bitches.
Monday, August 23, 2010
brilliance
highdea that was invented by a very good friend which we published:
Victory Swipe. go to urbandictionary.com and look it up.
Victory Swipe. go to urbandictionary.com and look it up.
round one: friday night
first of all, i need to establish the fact that my friends are better than yours. there are no if's, and's, or but's about it. my friends kick fucking ass-- moreso than your friends do. okay, now that we have that shit straightened out, here's some background info about these two ladies i spent my entire crazy friday night with:
sierra- one of my super awesome crazy roommates. my other roommate, brittany, is currently working and will be moving back the day before classes start. brittany kicks serious ass too, but she was not part of last night's adventures, so i will talk more about her hot self later. anyways, SIERRA: amazingly cool girl. she's a giant- 6 feet tall to be exact. super dark hair, tan skin, very funny, very hot. she can drink anyone under the table. sierra is fucking awesome.
april- april is my jew friend and unofficial fourth roommate. this girl means the world to me. you name it, and we have done it: going downtown, drinking together, eat together, crash together in bed, deep conversations, sex talks, crazy pictures, taking care of one another after becoming too intoxicated to function, crazycrazycrazy inside jokes, sharing clothes, everything. she's awesome and fun-sized-- she stands at a mere 5 feet tall but her personality makes up for her lack of height. she's awesome, i love her.
ANYWAYS, to sum up last night in a few sentences:
* we drink plenty before going to a frat house
* we get a ride from a cab, and while we're in the car, he tells us he's from brooklyn. so, of course, we pick on his accent. i then proceeded to tell the cab driver that his car smelled like pot and asked if he smoked. he said no, of course. so i contested his response saying, "well, it's such a gentle herb man...."
* at the party: april falls down the stairs and takes it like a champ. her heels were ginormous, like 4 inches tall. she literally fell, got right back up, and was just like, "shit, my knee pretty much hurts. where's a band aid dammit?"
* i met a guy at the party who had a thick british accent. we started talking, and he was flirting quite a bit. i asked where he was from and he said Ireland. keep in mind, i was now drunk at this point, so i decided it would be bright to tell him that america kicked britain's ass in the revolutionary war. ...yeah, not smart. my drunk ass did not realize that the irish had nothing to do with that war which resulted in our freedom and current, sucky, nearly-socialist government.
* we're all outside talking, and it was about 1:30 in the morning and we all decided to go back to the apartment. so, i called the cab company, and all three of us waited for nearly an hour for a cab. we called back three times, asking where the damn cab was. they kept saying, "it's on the way." ...ummmmm no, that cab was NOT on the way dumbass. if you have to wait for a cab that is supposedly waiting a few miles away for calls to respond to, it is NOT coming this way. well, i saw a truck driving by, it stopped, so i yelled at it: "HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING!?" they said they were going to an apartment complex that was very, very close to my apartment complex. so i asked them if they would drive us back to my place. they said yes and to get in the truck. so april, sierra, and myself got into this truck with random dudes we did not know, made conversation with them, then said thanks and went back upstairs to my place
* sierra made april some cheap lo mein noodles (basically, ramen). april was amazed by them. she called them the "asian version of cookout" oh yes, she LOVED those damn noodles. we all passed out, then woke up around 12 PM the next morning. no hangover, nothing. we win.
sierra- one of my super awesome crazy roommates. my other roommate, brittany, is currently working and will be moving back the day before classes start. brittany kicks serious ass too, but she was not part of last night's adventures, so i will talk more about her hot self later. anyways, SIERRA: amazingly cool girl. she's a giant- 6 feet tall to be exact. super dark hair, tan skin, very funny, very hot. she can drink anyone under the table. sierra is fucking awesome.
april- april is my jew friend and unofficial fourth roommate. this girl means the world to me. you name it, and we have done it: going downtown, drinking together, eat together, crash together in bed, deep conversations, sex talks, crazy pictures, taking care of one another after becoming too intoxicated to function, crazycrazycrazy inside jokes, sharing clothes, everything. she's awesome and fun-sized-- she stands at a mere 5 feet tall but her personality makes up for her lack of height. she's awesome, i love her.
ANYWAYS, to sum up last night in a few sentences:
* we drink plenty before going to a frat house
* we get a ride from a cab, and while we're in the car, he tells us he's from brooklyn. so, of course, we pick on his accent. i then proceeded to tell the cab driver that his car smelled like pot and asked if he smoked. he said no, of course. so i contested his response saying, "well, it's such a gentle herb man...."
* at the party: april falls down the stairs and takes it like a champ. her heels were ginormous, like 4 inches tall. she literally fell, got right back up, and was just like, "shit, my knee pretty much hurts. where's a band aid dammit?"
* i met a guy at the party who had a thick british accent. we started talking, and he was flirting quite a bit. i asked where he was from and he said Ireland. keep in mind, i was now drunk at this point, so i decided it would be bright to tell him that america kicked britain's ass in the revolutionary war. ...yeah, not smart. my drunk ass did not realize that the irish had nothing to do with that war which resulted in our freedom and current, sucky, nearly-socialist government.
* we're all outside talking, and it was about 1:30 in the morning and we all decided to go back to the apartment. so, i called the cab company, and all three of us waited for nearly an hour for a cab. we called back three times, asking where the damn cab was. they kept saying, "it's on the way." ...ummmmm no, that cab was NOT on the way dumbass. if you have to wait for a cab that is supposedly waiting a few miles away for calls to respond to, it is NOT coming this way. well, i saw a truck driving by, it stopped, so i yelled at it: "HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING!?" they said they were going to an apartment complex that was very, very close to my apartment complex. so i asked them if they would drive us back to my place. they said yes and to get in the truck. so april, sierra, and myself got into this truck with random dudes we did not know, made conversation with them, then said thanks and went back upstairs to my place
* sierra made april some cheap lo mein noodles (basically, ramen). april was amazed by them. she called them the "asian version of cookout" oh yes, she LOVED those damn noodles. we all passed out, then woke up around 12 PM the next morning. no hangover, nothing. we win.
Friday, August 20, 2010
i take the scenic route
you know what.. i look at some people and how they live their lives, and i think to myself: damn, that person is so boring. i mean seriously, so many people just live their lives "by the book" and they don't do anything crazy, interesting, or wild at all! i mean really, who wants to hear someone's stories about how when they went to high school they went to football games and prom, and how when they went to college, they went out and drank and studied and chilled with their friends, and then after college they got married and had kids? wow. that's like ten bazillion people's life stories right there. i think taking a more scenic route of life is much funner. and by scenic, i mean crazy. i love doing crazy shit. you name it and i have probably done it. i've come up with my own dream of what i want to do in life, and i ever get the chance to do it, i'm taking off and never looking back. my dream plan:
1.) drop out of college
2.) fly to L.A.
3.) live in someone's basement and get a job waiting tables
4.) meet a famous producer at the restaurant i work at, give him my name, and go to talent agencies for auditions
5.) get small acting jobs
6.) become super rich and famous and to coke with strippers all night long in hot nightclubs
7.) die a happy, rich hollywood woman
that is all. any questions?
1.) drop out of college
2.) fly to L.A.
3.) live in someone's basement and get a job waiting tables
4.) meet a famous producer at the restaurant i work at, give him my name, and go to talent agencies for auditions
5.) get small acting jobs
6.) become super rich and famous and to coke with strippers all night long in hot nightclubs
7.) die a happy, rich hollywood woman
that is all. any questions?
Thursday, August 19, 2010
deep thoughts
sooooo i was just having random deep thoughts in my head while i was driving... here is what i have come up with so far:
1.) i can't stand our government and the direction it is going in. and more importantly, i cannot stand high taxes. WTF. why should we have to give our money to the government and hope and pray that they spend our money wisely, when in reality we know that they make the poorest financial decisions ever?
2.) social security- it's gone. period. we are paying into social security and will not get anything out of it by the time we are retired. this means that we will have to stay in our jobs until we're like 80 years old. who wants to have an 80 year-old working at their office, hospital, school, or wherever else? and more importantly, what 80 year-old would want to be working a full 40-hour week?
3.) greenville drivers. i hate them. ATTENTION GREENVILLE DRIVERS: YOU CANNOT FUCKING DRIVE. YOU SUCK AT DRIVING. YOU NEED YOUR LICENSES REVOKED IMMEDIATELY. jesus christ, i drive better after having 6 drinks than a sober greenville driver does. it's called COASTING and BREAKING GENTLY...not slam on the breaks when you're 2 seconds away from rear-ending someone. god dammit guys, you embarrass me. you make all southern drivers look terrible.
4.) marijuana- it's more expensive than people think. seriously, like 1/8 of headies or mids or whatever the heck people get (i am not a ganj expert, so bear with me) costs them like $20, correct? people think, "hey awesome this is cheap and we can get hiiiiiiigh!" then you have to go and buy your blunt wraps, which are like $2.00 each, so say you buy one of those, roll it up, smoke, then after you smoke and you're high and on cloud nine, you get the munchies of course. so say you decide to go to a fast food restaurant, and you're starving and are craving the craziest food ever. so say you spend roughly $7-10 on food to satisfy your craving. that's over $30 right there for one night of smoking. and if you are a regular ganj user, you obviously own a piece or a bong, and those cost mad money too, not to mention the upkeep of keeping the water clean and so forth; too expensive and completely not worth it in my opinion.
5.) sluts- either get tougher or stop putting out. seriously, after giving a handful of guys easy access, you need to prepare yourselves for the gossip that is going to follow. i can't stand it when i hear girls complain and say bullshit like, "oh my god, i am so not a slut!" or, "why do those guys talk crap about me?" ...hmmmm maybe boys talk crap about you because you banged a handful of their friends? just a guess. but anyways, if you aren't prepared for all of the gossip that will go on about you and your sexual encounters, how about laying off the hookup sex? because like it or not, ladies, this world is entirely too small. word gets around when you do something, or multiple somethings for that matter. so either grow some backbone and decide not to care when someone talks about you behind your back, OR change your behavior. but always, get tested. thanks.
peace bitches
1.) i can't stand our government and the direction it is going in. and more importantly, i cannot stand high taxes. WTF. why should we have to give our money to the government and hope and pray that they spend our money wisely, when in reality we know that they make the poorest financial decisions ever?
2.) social security- it's gone. period. we are paying into social security and will not get anything out of it by the time we are retired. this means that we will have to stay in our jobs until we're like 80 years old. who wants to have an 80 year-old working at their office, hospital, school, or wherever else? and more importantly, what 80 year-old would want to be working a full 40-hour week?
3.) greenville drivers. i hate them. ATTENTION GREENVILLE DRIVERS: YOU CANNOT FUCKING DRIVE. YOU SUCK AT DRIVING. YOU NEED YOUR LICENSES REVOKED IMMEDIATELY. jesus christ, i drive better after having 6 drinks than a sober greenville driver does. it's called COASTING and BREAKING GENTLY...not slam on the breaks when you're 2 seconds away from rear-ending someone. god dammit guys, you embarrass me. you make all southern drivers look terrible.
4.) marijuana- it's more expensive than people think. seriously, like 1/8 of headies or mids or whatever the heck people get (i am not a ganj expert, so bear with me) costs them like $20, correct? people think, "hey awesome this is cheap and we can get hiiiiiiigh!" then you have to go and buy your blunt wraps, which are like $2.00 each, so say you buy one of those, roll it up, smoke, then after you smoke and you're high and on cloud nine, you get the munchies of course. so say you decide to go to a fast food restaurant, and you're starving and are craving the craziest food ever. so say you spend roughly $7-10 on food to satisfy your craving. that's over $30 right there for one night of smoking. and if you are a regular ganj user, you obviously own a piece or a bong, and those cost mad money too, not to mention the upkeep of keeping the water clean and so forth; too expensive and completely not worth it in my opinion.
5.) sluts- either get tougher or stop putting out. seriously, after giving a handful of guys easy access, you need to prepare yourselves for the gossip that is going to follow. i can't stand it when i hear girls complain and say bullshit like, "oh my god, i am so not a slut!" or, "why do those guys talk crap about me?" ...hmmmm maybe boys talk crap about you because you banged a handful of their friends? just a guess. but anyways, if you aren't prepared for all of the gossip that will go on about you and your sexual encounters, how about laying off the hookup sex? because like it or not, ladies, this world is entirely too small. word gets around when you do something, or multiple somethings for that matter. so either grow some backbone and decide not to care when someone talks about you behind your back, OR change your behavior. but always, get tested. thanks.
peace bitches
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)